Long time since my last entry...

Well, it's been a while since I last made an entry.. it's been a crazy few months. Back in October I found myself in the hospital, in intensive care for 10 days... My whole bowel was inflamed, infected & hemorrhaging. I was terrified when they prepped me for major emergency surgery the first night.. thank GOD I didn't have to have it. This all happened while I was up north visiting my father over thanksgiving weekend (Canada's was in mid-october). While in intensive care for those 10 days, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything (my only source of fluids were through two IV's). I lost some muscle mass, but this is generally my pattern...I gain awesum size then I get sick and lose some of it...it's frustrating, but I have to remember that my objective is to improve my health FIRST.. sports performance & aesthetics are SECONDARY.

It's mid December now.. I'm feeling better, back to my training, but I'm still anxiously waiting for tests to sort out the issues that caused the bleeding/hospitalization back in October. The specialist said it was too dangerous to do the 2 scopes/biopsy that I need.. so I'm booked to have those procedures done in early March. It was a rather slow recovery, but I find I'm more careful to be sure I get enough sleep, eat healthy, etc.

I am doing more personal training now.. (actually I'm training my sister now--she is doing exceptionally well with her weight loss: she's lost 16lbs to date {in 33 days} --eating a healthy clean diet and training with me three times a week.)

I generally try to avoid taking on too much during the competitive season in terms of clientele or obligations--especially in light of my health issues. Training for shows is extremely stressful, not only physically but emotionally and mentally too. Although I didn't get a chance to compete in 2009, I had trained & kept lean just in case my circumstances would allow me to change my plans last minute. I lost my qualification for the Nationals & have to requalify in 2010.. but it isn't a big deal. The provincial level show isn't the expensive one.. (the National competition was in Montreal in 2008 & Vancouver in 2009), far out of my reach financially. I hope to be in a better position financially in 2010 so that I can compete if and when I want to.

Since I got out of the hospital (October 20, 2009), I'v managed to add 10lbs of lean muscle mass.. working more has enabled me to eat better, raise my protein intake & buy my supplements. I did my income tax refund early this year.. guess where I spent it?? (the supplement store LOL). I rely on protein powder alot, especially when my digestive system is acting up and solid food nauseates me. I am continuing to take Tyler Parkin's "Parkonite" product as well as some basic supplements to keep my immune system fortified & my liver detoxified.

I hope to keep on top of this journal & I'm planning on getting some work done to FINALLY get www.hardcorebody.ca up and running one way or other. I'm a little rusty in my webdesign & scripting abilities... perhaps I will use a templated site like "sitecube" if I can't manage to figure things out soon.. so wish I could hire a website designer.. there's way too much on my plate as is.. even just with personal training, my training, the photo/video shoots/processing, promotion, etc. I can't wait till I can hire someone. I feel like I'm always working, but with so much to do, I never get anything done QUICKLY. lol

Well, I suppose that's enough for now.. I have to packup for the gym shortly.. I'll be there for a good part of the day today, so I have to pack a lunch, etc.

Today I'm smiling.. cuz I feel good & I know through experience that things could be much much worse! :)) Off to train hard.. will post new photos & video soon.. PEACE OUT

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Down but not "Out"

I have been feeling nauseated the past few days & last night it became apparent that my ear infection is having a full blown flareup.. I don't believe I'm stressed physically, but I suppose I do have alot on my mind.. Took an amazing amount of Photos & Videos the past week or two.. still have to process it all.

So I'm laying low trying to recuperate.. but u kno me.. can't just lay around. The minute I feel a bit better, I'm up & either capturing new footage or working on it, the photos or the website. I've worked solo for so long in terms of video/photos that I'm finding it quite an adjustment to work with Horst (www.blindeyephotography.ca).. his website, like mine isn't up yet, but coming soon...

I have made it a point to increase my dosage of silicate (thankyou Ty) & I hope to try some oil of oregano this weekend & see if it helps battle this resident infection (that never seems to completely leave).. I don't kno how much nicer I can be to myself.. I would do anything to feel better if I knew what else to do. But I have to remember how sick I used to be.. that makes me greatful to have some days that I forget I'm dealing with health issues..

Sam is with his dad for the weekend.. I hope he has fun.. it's been kind of a downer with the continual damp cool weather & continual storms.. not a whole lot to do outside in that weather. But he likes spending time on the computer (he's getting really good at animation) & keeps busy.. I'd rather he were doing that than other things :)) He has been doing a little more training with me & eatting much healthier. I am very happy about that.

I hope to get lots of work done this weekend in terms of video/photo processing & website work.. I have a couple of websites to work on... so I have to get back into it. I'll be much more enthusiastic once this head pain/congestion settles down a bit.. If I move too much or pump weights too intensely it really hurts--it's a drag--I'm dying for a good workout.. But I have my flexing/posing.. that keeps me toned and hard when I can't hit the weights. I have been stepping up the training but still not training at the gym as often as I'd like.. There's no point really until I can increase my protein intake. Everything in due time I guess.. it all comes down to finances.

Can't wait for the day when I don't have to budget everything.. including food. LOL

I'll post more later this weekend God willing.. It's almost midnight.. I think I'll get a good nights rest & see if I can't get a good start on the work tomorrow.

Nite all. xo

Not Sure....(But Hopeful!! :)

Well, it's been a crazy week.. The photo shoot with Blindeye Photography went well. Horst was great to work with.. he ended up taking sum 500+ shots! I was very pleased with them & think it can only get better once we learn to work together better. We shoot again tomorrow. With the weather being miserable now for weeks (thunderstorms, rain, cooler).. we may have to shoot inside (a Training Shoot at one of my gyms). He is going to take some video footage as well as still shots. I'm excited about this... Up until now all my video has been shot by me (with a boring fixed perspective on the tripod).. no panning or zooming.. This will be much more dynamic & I won't have to continually stare at the camera viewfinder to check lighting, position & pose. I can actually concentrate fully on what I'm doing!!! Ok, it doesn't take much to make me happy.. LOL

I've got the first two initial pages of www.harcorebody.ca online.. But I have lots of tedious photo/video processing work to do yet in order to make a structured/formatted & organized media library..

I have to give it some thought--file quality, continuity & size are all so important to the look and functionality of the site (Boy do I HATE being a perfectionist some times.. it's hard to get anything done QUICKLY..LOL).

I have so many ideas that have potential. I have waaayyy to many things to do in any one given day. In fact, I'm still up working (it's 1:29am as I type this.. and yes, I'm heading to bed as soon as this is published).

This is the first summer since 2005 that I haven't been planning for sure to do a show.. It's strange.. I feel lost in a way being "uncertain". I think I kind of enjoy the military discipline & drive being engaged.. I think it's a challenge that I can't resist.. I love being able to over-rule what my body WANTS.

I'm trying a bit of a fat load instead of a carb load tonight.. seems to be working amazingly well. I also did 40minutes of cardio today & went tanning.. I prefer to get natural sunlight, but the weather has just been crap. I hope it turns around soon... summer is half over!

This summer Sam's been really changing.. he's truly a fine young man--I am so blessed. He's grown an inch since summer began.. & he's starting to train with me & eat healthy clean foods with me. It's very expensive, but it's not just a bodybuilding/fitness thing----IT'S A HEALTH & WELLNESS THING. :))

My biggest cheat this week was two yoghurt cones.. (not at once LOL).. only 2g of fat each.. but a cheat is a cheat.. when I eat foods like that it shows the next day.. atleast I'm lean enough that I can "fix" it in two days by just keeping my diet in check. Even if I don't compete in September.. getting & staying ripped isn't a "waste".. It's experience in refining my show prep & it also enables me to take the best photo/video possible while the weather is warm.

I hope to get in as many photo & video shoots as I can with Horst (Blindeye Photography) while it is nice enough. We will have to get creative.. We both want to keep the material fresh...not always doing the same thing with a different outfit on in each video or photoshoot. LOL It would be nice to have my next show professionally documented with me as the main subject. I'd like to show how I prep..what my life & routine are like as I get ready for a show.

I think I've broached every major thought process on my mind tonight.. I need to have one more rice cake with peanut butter before bed..

Goodnight :))

Confirmation and Contemplation

Seems yesterday every eye was on me at the gym.. everywhere I went I was centered out.. I guess that's the best feedback--the best way to kno you are in top shape. These people see me regularly in the gym, but when they approach you and start raving on your conditioning.. you kno you are definitely reaching top form. Over and over I'm asked..."so when is your next show"? When I tell them "I'm not sure I'm competing at all this year", they are always surprised.

It never ceases to amaze me...lately I'm a spectacle everywhere I go. It's not like I can go anywhere without being asked if I compete or if do personal training. A simple trip to the grocery store can double or triple in the amount of time it takes when people solicit your responses to their curiosities. I'v become increasingly aware of the phenomenon called "celebrity".. and I realize I'v not changed, it's other people's perspective of me that has changed. While I don't always enjoy all the attention, I DO enjoy being able to share my story and motivate/encourage people with it.. after all (with my health history)---if I can do it, anyone can. No one can believe that I used to be so sick and over 200lb (and barely functional or mobile).

That's when I kno that this is what I'm supposed to be doing: inspiring & helping people find health and wholeness on all levels (body, mind and spirit). I don't think any of us are whole until we are content with ourselves physically. I tell people that they need to consider nutrition and exercise as medicine--and that it's much better to embrace it before they actually get sick. So in response to the "I don't have time 'excuse'"...I tell them "you will have all the time in the world when you get really ill". When I started back training it was a very rough road for me.. I didn't have help or finances and I was very ill. But not everyone has that kind of stubbornness that they can refuse to give up. I still deal with my health issues and I suppose my health management is very good motivation for me--I changed my whole life in order to feel better physically (and thus mentally/emotionally). I am terrified of getting that sick again. But it was a journey that took 10+ years.

I was at the gym training yesterday.. and talking to a young woman who was quite frustrated with her inability to get her weight under control I saw her come to life with encouragement and the sharing of my experiences.. there were tears in her eyes at the anguish she was experiencing over it.. how can I not help?? I may not make alot of money doing this.. but that's not what it's about either..

Well, I am ripping up for a photoshoot Thursday with a local photographer.. I realize that chemistry is important to working together and I think this will be a good shoot. I'm toughing out the queasy spells as I tighten up my diet to look my best. I often wonder if anyone else has the difficulties that I do with nausea/vomitting in this sport. Bodybuilding is an extreme sport--it's about controlling this vessel (the body can only do what the mind dictates.. it's a matter of will-power and discipline). The battle is won or lost in the mind for the most part--and that's true in general in any facet of life. I consider the demands of my body akin to those of a terrorist.. and I don't negotiate with terrorists.. LOL

So I am going to choke down some chicken and sweet potato for breakfast and pray it stays down. I still have to top off my suntan & choose a few outfits for the shoot. The next couple days I won't be training so that the water can drain off my body as the muscles recuperate. If anything I'll do a bit of cardio each day & some flexing/posing until after the shoot.

Then I have to decide about the Ontario Naturals (in Hamilton) September 19th... It's hard to seriously train and prep for a show if you can't decide for sure if you are going to enter. I'v never done a "natural" show yet, but I feel that's the venue for me. I can't compete in the non-drug tested shows at the level I'm at (Nationals), due to the fact that steroid use is so pervasive and I simply can't play that game with my health issues.

I guess I have to decide soon what I'm doing... there's only two months till the show.. and that's not alot of time to prep really.. especially with limited resources.

Hoping to get more work done on the website today.. so much to do all the time--and the day is never long enough (nor do I ever seem to have enough energy to do everything that is "on my list").

:)

First Impressions? Or First confessions?? LOL

I suppose it's about time I setup a blog--I have been thinking about it for a long time..but it's still a bit of an experiment for me.. Seems like there are sooo many things to update these days.. so many places to be all while sitting in front of the computer screen. But I hear that Twitter & blogs can be used side by side--so thought I'd give it a chance.

I don't really know where to start.. I'm going to forget there's an audience and just ramble on as though I'm writing my thoughts in a journal---sound OK??

...Just this moment I had a startling realization!! I feel like I'm naked online (Ok guys.. settle down--I don't mean literally--and No, I don't have any naked pictures or video online LOL).. BUT, between having my bodybuilding video on youtube and sharing my life/thoughts so openly on facebook, twitter and now here--I realize someone can actually get to know me pretty good online.. How scary is that?? lol

It's Friday & Sam just went to his dad's for the weekend.. I'm going to work on video, photos & the website tonight www(dot)hardcorebody.ca--I don't even have a personalized index page up yet... so no point in checking it out yet.. I'll post here as soon as I get something online. The thing is I am so meticulous about detail--a perfectionist I guess.. And being an artist/creative type.. well, just any old design won't do.

At present, I'm doing my own photos, video (all post-processing work), my website design/admin & anything else that is involved in trying to launch a bodybuilding (small) enterprise.. lol I just would be happy making a living coaching/training athletes and healthy-lifestyle-seekers alike (weight/cardiovascular training & nutrition)--But it's more than that.. To get healthy & change my body I had to CHANGE my LIFESTYLE. I'd like to show people how to actually implement what it takes to make the lifestyle functional--cuz bodybuilders eat healthy and often.. and even if some don't want to bodybuild.. it's still necessary to eat small frequent meals through the day rather than 2-3 large ones (for health reasons as well as to lose weight).

I have to eat and then get some work done.. might upload a new clip to youtube tonight or tomorrow.. see how things go. Goodnight :)